Let's wave goodbye to America
America was once great but I broke it. I tried to flush it twice. Once they let me flush and boy did I let all hell break loose. Wanna do it again?
If I think of something it happens. Except for Ivanka.
I now live in Florida because New York is trying to put me in jail.
Wanna buy some documents?
Need help with your Donald Trump?
This depends. When did your democracy crash? If it was during the 2000 Florida recount than you'll need to throw out your existing ideals and start again.
If your democracy crashed during the "Weapons of Mass Destruction" beta release then you can upgrade to Obama-Care (ignore the drone strikes).
If your democracy crashed because of the Donald Trump plug-in, please uninstall Donald Trump and reboot.
Sadly from 2016 the Republican models were infected with malware and have become Fascists. Please try voting them out.
If your representative has not become infected with malware please try restarting this process.
If your representative is infected with malware please vote them out.
While older generations of Republicans had a backbone, more recent models have begun to return to a primordial ooze. Some think this is in order to better survive global climate change. Others think they are just some slippery fuckers.
By returning to a primordial ooze they are under the spell of a large, orange dummy.
Please contact support and ask for a refund.
Ideally your reboot should have been completed by now. Unfortunately, we've become aware that this has not happened. It seems, and this is true, a melted turtle candle has clogged democracy and prevented a reboot.
Lying is not a bug of Donald Trump, it's a feature. Your Donald Trump can lie up to twice per minute. As an added feature many of these lies also contain misogyny and racism.
The "thick orange goo" is a constant problem with the Donald Trump. We suspect it's an issue with it's upbringing. Thankfully, cleaning is easy. Take your Donald Trump and let it soak in a urinal for about 30 minutes. Once Donald Trump is done soaking in urine you should air dry so as not to ruin its hair.
Features List
Your Donald Trump is a precision manufactured product brought to you by the Russian Federation.

Misogyny Included
Donald Trump is loaded with the latest in Misogyny including "man-splaning" and a black belt level in sexual harassment.
RACISM GUARANTEED
Mexican rapists, shit hole countries and more are included in the Donald Trump box.
BEAUTIFUL CAKE
This version of Donald Trump thrives on a diet of beautiful cake. Cake not included.
Incest Add On
Putin's Donald Trump, just like the real Donald Trump, has an unhealthy obsession with his offspring. This is an optional add-on as many users find it upsetting.